More couples today are choosing divorce mediation because it offers a less adversarial approach to resolving marital settlement issues compared to traditional litigation. Without the direct involvement of attorneys, negotiations are less contentious and more cost-effective. The one drawback to not having an attorney directly representing each party, however, is that each spouse must advocate on their own behalf. Each spouse must effectively communicate their own positions and interests. This does not come naturally for some people.
Effective negotiation skills can help you achieve the outcome you desire—a fair and reasonable divorce settlement. In this blog post, we'll provide valuable tips to help you navigate the negotiation process and achieve a favorable outcome.
Key Negotiating Tips for Divorce Mediation
1. Prepare Thoroughly
Consider meeting with a divorce attorney for an initial consultation. The attorney can educate you on Connecticut divorce law and offer a brief evaluation of your specific case and help orient you on your primary goals. He or she can highlight specific issues you’ll likely encounter during divorce mediation and suggest options for their resolution. You may ultimately decide to retain the attorney as your “review counsel” to offer guidance throughout the mediation process and to review your final marital settlement agreement through your point of view.
Do some independent internet research on Connecticut divorce law. The Connecticut Judicial Branch website (www.jud.ct.gov) can be an excellent resource. The website offers guidance on the divorce process and offers free court documents for downloading. Review the court financial affidavit forms to become familiar with the type of information you will need to provide to your mediator and the court.
Gather essential financial documents such as tax returns, and statements for bank, investment, and retirement accounts. Gather any documents related to debts and liabilities, such as credit card statements, home mortgage, and personal loan documents. Utilize websites like Kelly Bluebook and Zillow to estimate the fair market value of your vehicles and marital home. Familiarize yourself with all marital income, expenses, assets, and debts to gain a clear picture of your financial situation. To be sure, the amount of information can be seemingly overwhelming; however, the primary goal is build-up a foundation of knowledge. It is not to get you ready to take the bar exam. Your knowledgeable mediator is going to help you through the process and you will likely in time become reassured.
2. Set Specific Goals
Determine which issues are most important to you and prioritize accordingly. Most divorces come down to four main issues: 1) child custody and visitation; 2) child support; 3) the division of marital assets and debts; and 4) alimony. Which of these issues is most important to you? Which issue do you think will be most important to your spouse? Consider what would constitute a positive outcome for each issue. Entering into mediation with clear goals for the resolution of each issue will give you an advantage when negotiating settlement.
3. Communicate Effectively
Listen to your spouse and pay close attention to their concerns and needs. Do not interrupt them when speaking or try to talk over them. Express your own interests and needs clearly, in a calm and respectful manner. Avoid assigning blame and making accusations. Rather, focus on finding solutions that address the interests of both parties. A good mediator will facilitate communication between the parties, but each party must participate and abide by the rules in good faith. Importantly, at the appropriate times, you should ask questions and articulate your interests. Remember that both parties do want to find a resolution and likely understand that compromise is essential.
4. Be Flexible and Open-minded
An important part of mediation is “brainstorming” ideas and options for resolving conflict over divorce-related issues. It is important to be open-minded and willing to explore creative options that may meet both parties’ needs. Similarly, you must be willing to compromise. A successful marital settlement agreement often requires mutual concessions. Prioritize the issues most important to you and be willing to let go of less significant issues.
5. Use Collaborative Problem Solving
Focus on interests, not positions. It is important to understand the underlying reasons behind your spouse’s demands/goals. Explore various possibilities to find a mutually beneficial solution to divorce-related issues. Aim for agreements that satisfy both parties’ interests and needs. Often an experienced mediator will have ideas to help overcome roadblocks. It has been our experience that nearly all mediations ultimately succeed and produce fair outcomes.
Effective negotiation is important for a successful divorce mediation. By following these tips and approaching the process with an open mind and a collaborative spirit, you can increase your chances of reaching a fair and mutually beneficial agreement.
Utilizing Review Counsel
If the task of representing yourself in divorce mediation still seems overwhelming, consider retaining review counsel to “coach” you throughout the mediation process. While review counsel cannot participate in mediation sessions, they can advise you and offer invaluable support and guidance behind the scenes.
At The Connecticut Divorce Mediation Team, our attorneys are highly experienced as
both mediators and review counsel. Contact us today for a consultation. Our offices are located in Greenwich, New Canaan, Hartford, New Haven, and Groton. To schedule a consultation contact us at: (203) 610-9516 or visit us at www.connecticutdivorcemediation.com.